Sunday was a "Growth Day"
Sep 09, 2023
Sunday was a "growth day." Not a beautiful floral bouquet kind of growth day, but a sweaty in your work clothes with your hands, elbows, and knees covered in mud and exhausted to the bone kind of growth day.
Background...my neuro doc is amazing and one of my favorite guys on the planet. He gives me hope and encouragement where every other doctor has not. He's also bald. Totally bald. And I will forever remember one of my appointments when he was sharing with me his own experience with tremors and how the protocol he followed helped him navigate that challenging time and bring healing to his own brain. Then he a flashed his convincing smile, and with a twinkle in his eyes rubbed his head and said, "I'm not just the president, I'm also a client!"
This is my totally authentic post about being the client. About using the tools and skills I teach to navigate my own super hard day in my human experience.
Lots of factors collided this weekend to trigger me to a very stuck place. Very familiar and very stuck. Somehow the brain can convince us that this stuck place is comfortable simply because it's familiar. News flash...the human brain is NOT always smart.
When I became aware I was in that low brain place and knew I wanted to grow past it, I reached out to a mentor. I know that, by divine design, we aren't meant to navigate this alone! My friend Micki is an amazing example to me of thriving after divorce. If you haven't listened to her podcast interview about transforming fears, you definitely need to! Micki is a mentor to me because she is several steps ahead of me on a path I am traveling on. She is thriving after a difficult divorce, and I want to do that too. The difference is Micki is 7 years into her journey and I am only 7 months into mine. That's why I reached out to her when I needed a life preserver. With her permission, I share her beautiful text response.
Do you see why my heart reached out to her? I needed someone to mourn with me, comfort me, validate me, and remind me of what I already knew but couldn't see in my low brain. Just reading her text opened the floodgates of emotion I was holding back. And do you know what? It really didn't flood or destroy anything. It watered parched ground to nourish growth.
I got my kiddo settled with siblings on his zoom 'family call" (It was dad's week, and though it's a great plan for keeping the family relationships growing after a split, it also can be heartbreaking to hear those voices connecting and know it's not my turn to be a part of it.). Then I grabbed my shoes and keys to do just what Micki said and guide the momentum of my emotion in a positive direction.
I know I find peace best amidst green growing things, so I went walking on one of my favorite nature trails. I was about five steps from my car before the shoes came off and I plugged into the healing power of this beautiful planet. (Research attests to the incredible power of "earthing," but that's a nerd moment for another day!)
With the intense emotions released and my body moving, my intuition was clear, and in that moment I heard my own voice in my head spontaneously say, "I forgive!" It was a joyful declaration not a dutiful obligation. And it reminded me of the tapping meditation I had recorded on that very same trail a couple of months earlier. I knew instantly that was what my soul needed.
I found a tranquil place with dappled sunshine to lie down on soft grass and plantain. In the arms of Mother Nature, I shut my eyes and listened to that meditation. It took three times through before my heart was anchored in those truths of forgiveness, agency, and healthy boundaries again, but that settled my heart deeply and restored my soul.
It was suddenly significant to me that I was sitting in the plantain. This common plant can be used to make a poultice to draw out toxins from insect bites and promote healing. This process of revisiting forgiveness sucked out the sadness, hurt, and anger that was afflicting me and preventing healing peace.
Walking back to my car I felt different. I felt anchored again in True EM--my higher, growing self. And it was because I leaned into every step of the process.
I didn't avoid or deny my reality.
I didn't numb my intense feelings.
I didn't isolate myself.
I didn't judge or criticize my response.
I didn't blame anyone.
I didn't hide under my covers (though a good nap is sometimes just the act of agency that restores peace!).
And I didn't give up.
All of those are things I've done repeatedly in my journey this past year, and I'm sure I will probably cycle back there at times. But this time I didn't.
I walked the path of growth up from my low brain and back to my True Self. It felt so satisfying.
Can I share with you my favorite part of the day? When I went back home, Ranger was done with his video call. We had a big hug, and I shared briefly where I'd been. I told him it was a hard day because I'm still really sad about the divorce, and that's ok. I want to hold a place for that for both of us as long as we need it. Then he started crying and squeezed me back for a long time. I started crying those beautiful connecting, relieving, healing tears with him. That's healing acceptance. Nothing is "fixed," but beautiful things are growing!
