My Identity Intertwined in Motherhood

I went through pictures from the past 20 years as part of the My Identity Mosaic class I’m doing. It was a beautiful journey through nearly half of my life--through most of my mothering years. The whole rainbow of emotions came up. Some were of the emotions of the experiences that the pictures triggered in my remembrance. Some were emotions of what I thought the future was or would be and now that I am looking back from that future, there's a gap between what I thought it would be and would it is.

Gaps hold lots of emotions.

I feel settled now though. Honestly letting myself see and feel and experience those things has a calming effect.

Truth is good tonic when met with an open, accepting, and humble heart.

One thing I noticed is captured in many of the moments. I am the photographer. Though I orchestrated the experience, I'm not pictured in it. I also noticed how much I was invested in orchestrating experiences for my children.

For many, many years my identity was intertwined with the lives of my children. My DNA lives in them and for that season my identity lived in them. I have so much more compassion now for myself as I transition to letting them be their own selves and re-examining my own identity as I take those parts back and find an integrated place for them.

There's something to that. They grew within me and I birthed them into the world and cared for them for so long. I don't think it's wrong that my identity was intertwined with theirs. And yet, it's so needful and healthy for me to restore that part of me to my soul.